Update

上一篇是關於死亡。那這篇來點不一樣的好了。

關於做夢。

過完了兩年在英國的生活，回到台灣，至今兩個月整。姑且讓我忽略這兩年的生活，說說回台灣以後發生了什麼事。

回台灣前夕被Playaround問說要不要一起帶今年的工作坊，本來只有一天，後來又加上了跟Spela一起帶五天的工作坊。然後，就有種好像以前很零散的線頭全都聚集在一起的詭異狀態，有史以來身邊第一次出現一票弄生物藝術的人們，而且大家或多或少都曾經在世界某個角落交錯點頭打招呼過，例如我跟采容曾經在Linz睡同一間房間... 例如我今年到Linz的時候又拿到同一間房間的鑰匙...例如夜市工作坊的Austin...

於是有點莫名奇妙又隨機的我們就成立了台灣生物藝術群組，開始每週聚會一次。於是有點莫名奇妙的，廣毅提到Johnny Walker的申請。於是莫名其妙的，在我回台灣兩個月整的今天，被迫要很認真的去回答申請Johnny Walker的"夢想起源"。

原先的動機可能很簡單，如果我們想要做什麼事情，基本上都是需要經費的。但是我們不屬於傳統藝術領域，我們也還沒足夠資源直接進駐實驗室做出我們想要的作品，大家也都是剛開始很嫩的藝術工作者wanna be，所以覺得Jonny Walker申請恰好是個好機會來統整一下我們的方向，而有了幾天很密集的討論。然後，更多奇怪的事情發生了...

很難解釋我現在覺得的奇怪事情到底是什麼，不過希望以後回來看這個時候的紀錄會覺得很有趣。（拜託拜託一定要）

我們在討論科學與藝術，科學如何與藝術結合。這裡討論的是真正的結合，而不是那種最近好像因為政府發展文創產業所以時常把科學家與藝術家（或是文化人）請來表面上是對話實質上是各談各的沒有交集的「結合」，也不是工研院那種刻意要把某種應用技術稍微加上似乎好像人文加市場潮流的彆扭怪物，都不是。也（希望不是）國外最愛談論的生物倫理、科學倫理，我們想討論的是一種更深層的、人文思考能如何影響科學研究，科學研究又能如何影響文化創意，最後，如何能把科學當成人文藝術學科去學習與應用、科學與人文如何成為一體。我們要的不是對話，而是一種科學人文chimera。

很久很久沒有遇到這種其實大家想的都是一樣的對話。（如果只是我一廂情願其實也沒關係啦 :p）

而這樣的討論底藴其實翻成白話就是：我們的教育很爛，有一些對我們來說很重要的東西在學習的過程中並沒有人帶領我們，而偏偏這些應該是理解並且掌握知識最重要的元素。而我覺得最難能可貴的奇妙事情是，大家好像都想要針對這個問題做些什麼。

廣毅提到了學生在學習上因為老師與家長們對於未來就業遙不可及空洞且不準確的想像，被訓練規範成學習的功利主義。整個教育的思維，好像嚴重造成了我與身邊許多朋友今天的無奈苦悶。

在英國的日子沒有一天我沒在比較自己在台灣這群朋友們與英國相同專業領域的人們：為什麼在台灣的學術領域的朋友們個個很優秀，論專業知識不輸英國頂尖大學的學生，可是為什麼我們看起來沒有那麼發光發熱，為什麼我們無力讓自己發光發熱？為什麼我們不能創造一個讓自己舒服的生存環境？

在英國其實很孤獨，孤獨到一種無以言說的境地。那種情形大概是，自己忘了自己最在乎的是什麼，因為旁人不關心我所關心的，甚至有太多時候有太多誤解，被很錯誤的閱讀，因為自己也沒有能力很有系統的說出自己關心的是什麼、為什麼那是個很重要的課題，諸此之類，以至於花很多的時間想，但是溝通能力卻逐漸遠離自己。

很多時候看到有人提到做夢，其實自己就是嗤之以鼻。還做夢呢，整個台灣都要沈沒了...

但是但是，今天好像發現，夢是存在的！而且，身邊好多人都做著相似的夢，也都願意在被社會磨盡稜角之前真的做些什麼。

何其幸運？

夢不只存在，其實以前就試過。

我在blogger例表裡面找到以前跟Henry、大龜還有幾個學弟妹一起寫的生命.科學.人網誌，其實當時的動機是類似的吧！想要彌補空缺的那塊、我們無法解釋的鬱悶。這個鬱悶來自我們如此認真的去接近一門學問，卻無法讓我們建立一種將自身從一個學問接受者轉化成生產者的能力。

然而，在五年後的今天回去看網誌上面的文章，好像解釋的好多為什麼我們這幾個人今天會走到這一步。其實，大家問的問題本質沒有變太多。（是吧是吧是吧？至少我自己啦...）

大概可以解釋為這些人都是本質是比較接近文化人本質但是受過嚴格科學訓練的人們吧？可是為什麼這些人的生命本質是這樣的？在這個挺尷尬的位置上站著？

所謂受科學訓練的文化人我想把它定義在著迷並且投入強大心力去理解科學，但卻有著像藝術家想要透過實際玩弄素材去創造一些具有個人情感在內的產物的人們。

（我想要把社會科學領域的人們也算進來... 除了抗爭、討論以外，是不是我們關心的議題也能用什麼方式轉化以後有所產出而真正改變這個社會呢？可不可以不要等上面的老人們從制度面更改、再等上五年十年讓政策變成實際？）

我認為還有另外一種人本質上其實應該要跟受科學訓練的文化人放在同一類：那些深深著迷於科學，卻在某個生命時刻離開了科學而走向文化領域的人們。他們的鬱悶是在生命的某些時刻發現自己仍愛著科學，卻因為科學築的高牆無法進入。

在英國看到許多能自由自在在這些模糊地帶生活的人們，其實很羨慕他們能這樣的自由自在。可是為什麼我們不行？

是教育的問題是吧？

而我以為大家應該都逐漸的被社會歸化也開始接受工作了，卻沒想到其實每個人心理都暗暗的想著能在自己生存的空間裡面做些什麼、偷渡一些什麼。

讓我們一起做好不好？

我想這個夢想泡泡一直在那邊，隱藏的飛在台灣上空，是大家每天做的夢... 只是不是每個人都有那樣的自由跟能力去把泡泡固態化... 所以我們五年前才會短暫的寫過那樣的blog... 所以A會去當老師，所以B會去弄保育，所以C會跑去英國，所以D會去北藝，所以E會做今天做的事情，所以F會變成藝術家.... 這張表可以一直一直列下去....

 一定要做下去的對吧？

老朋友...

3/6 送爺爺入塔

因為火葬場很忙碌，送爺爺骨灰到田尾公墓的時候已經超過五點

路上葬儀社打電話給公墓，看塔的人聽到爺爺名字後說：

「啊！老朋友了，我會等他。」

爸說過去幾十年來每年清明節爺爺都會準備一份禮物給看塔的人

老朋友了，會等他。

Fluxus with ode on Snow Leopard....

[Jaen's the hero for this :P]

Obviously the Mac version provided on Fluxus website is not the only thing you need. It requires ODE as well.

But macports install the wrong ODE version. (Said to be the PPC version, but I'm using an intel mac)

So in the mailing list someone said that Fluxus doesn't work with ode-0.9. However, it was not correct either. To build ode-0.9 does not create the libode.1.dylib file that was required.

Anyway, it ended up with that ODE 0.11.1 is working fine with fluxus.

So this is how it goes:

1. Using ode-0.11.1 source code
2. Compile in 32-bit mode because automatically gcc is set to x86-64

./configure --with-trimesh=opcode --enable-double-precision --enable-release --enable-shared --disable-demos --prefix=/opt/local CC="gcc -m32" CXX="g++ -m32" LD="g++ -m32"

--prefix=/opt/local will have ode installed to the right place on mac
CC="gcc -m32" CXX="g++ -m32" LD="g++ -m32" set the compiler to compile in 32-bit mode


Then

make
sudo make install

And there you go~

My new year wishes and goals for 2010

1. To keep up with the newest science development, always.
2. To make every thing, every object, in life, useful.
3. To make science and art more friendly to people. Let science be playful.
4. Hackerspace in Taiwan! :P Or something like that. :P
5. Have fun always. No matter how hard things are, they are always fun. :P
6. Love the world and see more good of it. Pay attention to everything. See their beauty.
7. Pay back to the society whenever able to. :)


...... it's all the matter of fun, anyways. :) Love life and enjoy life.

crisis

As this is posted in such a public space it might be dangerous to me. :P

I'm just having some crisis of why doing so again.

In this world there are so many things that are more "saying" than "doing". Maybe I don't know enough about other countries, this is what I have observed in Taiwan.

So you create an art work, and its nice, but you still have to write a bunch of crap to prove its worth. Or vice versa, you made a crap, and you write a bunch of crap to make it look awesome. It doesn't matter. In the end what matters is how you write.

Then why not just write, and do nothing?

What's the difference between art work and critics?

I can write well. But I just don't want to do so right now. No. I've been trained well on writing chinese, but I just don't want to use the power of pen (and some fancy words without real meanings) to *make a work look valuable*.

Sometimes this "writing activities" makes me wonder if it is cheating at all. Seems not, since all the "activities" (in art) are just about "writing competitions" along with personal tastes anyway. It IS about the writing, not about the "work" after all. So why not just accept it?

Yes I actually took time to read through many thesis written by art / interactive art / design students. 80% of them I really can't see anything new except for citing references. Usually McLuhan, Barthes, Derrida, Sontag, Baudrillard, Ascott, Benjamin... And there are rarely anything new. Then why write it?

Oh because it's just a game about how you speak. *wink*

Really the question is just whether you want to play the game with them or not. (But I really don't want to.)

So I have a crisis, again.

Aw

Long since I last posted. Right now I am work on my SOP/Motivation/Essay for applying universities. Hard to write. Especially hard for my current status: the "tofu" status. My brain is full of tofu right now. :p No, maybe not tofu, but just fat and protein that doesn't even functioning. Oh I am so amazed that I am still capable of writing. The life have been so dull in the past one month, and I feel so dead. It's like there's always a threshold of motivations (to live) that when I push myself above the threshold then I am living happily, but if I didn't work hard enough then I am nothing more than vegetables... or carnivorous plants. *wink*

There's an exam waiting for me this weekend, and I am not studying at all. Really. And I have to make sure one of my application sends out before Oct 25. Neither am I preparing the digital portfolio. OMG. How do I work when my brain is nothing but junk?

Only one good thing is I am much more clear about what I want now. So writing the SOP is just hard for starting and writing itself instead of thinking of what my motivations are.

But still still still...

I think I need some talks with my friends to make my brain move.

恩

好久沒有坐下來好好寫些什麼。隨著壓力一波一波的來，我用遊戲痲痹自己消磨時間。
也許，颱風夜適合聽點安靜哀傷的音樂。

然而我什麼都不想做。

今天看到很喜歡的一段話

今天高金素梅去講原住民的權益不會有人聽，因為她是原住民。台灣就是大家都在看身分，因為你是原住民，所以你關心原住民
權益很合理。可是如果天上掉一個不知道自己在幹嘛，然後唱〈寶貝〉的人出來講說：「媽的，我覺得你們應該對原住民好一點！」大家會覺得：關你屁事啊？但如果你這樣講了幾年，啊如果你還能夠被人認出來你是張懸的話，人家就會想說你為什麼要那麼在乎，久了就會有些人開始去思考了。

---張懸於張鐵志訪問中

A touching paragraph on Wikipedia

Primo Levi suggested that Anne Frank is frequently identified as a single representative of the millions of people who suffered and died as she did because, "One single Anne Frank moves us more than the countless others who suffered just as she did but whose faces have remained in the shadows. Perhaps it is better that way; if we were capable of taking in all the suffering of all those people, we would not be able to live."[57] In her closing message in Melissa Müller's biography of Anne Frank, Miep Gies expressed a similar thought, though she attempted to dispel what she felt was a growing misconception that "Anne symbolises the six million victims of the Holocaust", writing: "Anne's life and death were her own individual fate, an individual fate that happened six million times over. Anne cannot, and should not, stand for the many individuals whom the Nazis robbed of their lives... But her fate helps us grasp the immense loss the world suffered because of the Holocaust."[61]

From Wikipeda: Anne Frank

A film about web 2.0

Interesting.