好想要...

坐在大石頭上，聽風聲，蟲鳴，看滿天星星
伸手不見五指，享受沁涼晚風
靜靜的，讓思緒飄到外太空
在無重力環境下擺盪

然後也許能想出點什麼來吧．．．

最近的動態.......

最近事務繁忙，要看作品請走這：
http://gallery.nthu-photo.net/main.php?g2_itemId=42

追求極致的美...

　　在作品上。

　　總是有什麼沉在心底深處，不時搔搔癢，如鬼魅般囈語著：「釋放我，用你的每一部分。」

　　於是我嘗試，卻在半途中卻步。

　　但它存在，真實如真實世界的一切真實，真實如我們所理解的真實。

　　

　　藝術能給予極大苦痛．．．

生命科學

算起來，我也在生命科學中打滾兩年多了。對我來說，生命科學這詞字面上的意義與它賦予一個學系的實質意義，字面意義要來得有趣得多。

不好意思，忘了自我介紹。我是生科08級的林沛瑩，現在跟系上僅存的聯繫是生科BBS。

原諒我必須自我中心的從自己的經歷出發，來定義「生命科學」這個名詞。你或許會覺得，一個打算未來要離開生科院的人（尤其在知道我想要往哪方向發展後），出現在一個主題環繞生命科學的blog上，是如此荒誕！因為，轉換跑道幾乎意味著背棄原本所處的環境，我又怎麼可能花心思在相關領域上呢？我也曾經這麼問過自己，當初是否選錯科系？在生科系的時間是否等同浪費？而生科系的一切對於我來說，是什麼？

我現在仍然相信當初沒有選錯科系。很難解釋三年前的我是怎麼看上生科系，過去的意識早就難以理清，只能確定「生命科學」隱約的吸引著我。對，就是這四個字。不是給什麼現代神話桃莉羊、第四級病毒、蛇毒傳奇、人工內臟．．．等等看似聳動的東西騙進來，而是「生命科學」這四個字。有一度，我覺得當初對生命科學的認知錯誤，它所涵蓋的範圍瞬間縮小，魅力盡失，但這才是誤解。

看一遍清華大學生命科學系必修科目表，學校告訴我們的生命科學只有生物、化學、分子結構、ATCG。於是，我們開始相信生命科學就是這麼一回事－－殺不完的果蠅、小鼠、兔子、鰲蝦。但是，仔細想一想「生命科學」，除了代表它和生命有關，有說只有在實驗室裡的才是生命科學嗎？動物行為研究算是生命科學範疇，那麼人類行為研究呢？倘若要仔細歸類何為人類行為研究，除了心理學，文學、藝術都可以算是吧？它們不都屬於人類行為所創造之成果嗎？而有多少文學藝術作品是建立在觀察人類行為或自然環境而發展出來的呢？更不用說經濟、法律、工業，這些依存在「人」的需求上的東西。人類社會不過是一個比蟻丘要複雜上千萬倍的大蟻丘，而地球是各種大小蟻丘的集合，宇宙是各種大小的地球的集合。這麼說，還有哪個領域不算是生命科學？

也許，你會堅持，孤寂的太空怎麼能算是生命所創造的呢？

試著把看宇宙的角度加上大尺度時間軸，平時看似靜止的銀河系也會運動，更別提轟轟烈烈的超新星爆炸與平常就規律運動的行星了！無生命與生命之間的隔閡也許不像想像中的那麼明顯。地殼會運動，山丘河川會演化，它們也有青年壯年老年。語言上，這些狀態使用慣常描述生命體的辭彙來形容，就證明了其實無生命體與生命體其實是相似的。

當然，這是當嘗試尋找生命科學的邊界時發現的答案。

生命科學同樣也可以是一種看事情的角度。文學以文字構築世界，藝術以色彩構築，音樂用音符，經濟用數學，數學用數字，化學用元素，物理用數學與性質．．．生命科學呢？

對我來說，生命科學是用關懷的角度去看世界，希望世界更美好，無論用哪種方法。（所以，唸哪個系也就不重要了！）不知道正在看文章的你怎樣想？可以告訴我／我們嗎？

看以前的文章很有趣

　　今天把放在無名小站上的一些文章搬過來了。主要是2005~2006之間的文章。發現自己每個時期的文筆都不同，想法也不同，思考的問題更不同。早期是對於生科的期盼與探索各種事物，中期轉向計畫與實踐，後期轉向挖掘內在真正想法．．．這階段尚在進行中。文筆最好的階段要屬於2005年中期吧！就是在新齋A704的日子－－窗外是否有美好景色是重要因素。不過那段時間也特別不能放棄過去。現在或許放棄了吧 :) 在知道某些事情以後，好像一切都變簡單了（對於過去）。不過，未來仍然一樣迷惘．．．或說，更像一種持續不斷的焦躁，催促著我做決定。

　　總之，一切都等過完年再說。新年快樂。

我是不折不扣的攝影社公僕

　　最近在弄攝影社網站。裡面的PHP理當要重新寫一個的，卻因為時間不夠，拿2002年荷蘭TQ的來修改，倒是改掉不少東西。雖然很久沒寫PHP，還是發現不少當年的錯誤，稍稍欣慰。至少我有進步。當然，裡面有一些是PHP4過渡到PHP5之間不同的語法，但真要說起來，我會給當年寫的程式readability不及格吧!唉，雖說用是用了，這種偷懶事還是少為之為妙，否則太沒長進了！只是，這一開始似乎不是我的工作？！

　　所以，接攝影社社長的奧義在於：心臟不夠強者，公僕也；死皮賴臉者，涼缺也。可惜我先天神經脆弱，禁不起外界眼光，只好當公僕。希望下一步不是變成水電工．．．我當programmer+designer就好。

Hyper.

It is fun to talk about the good old times, to feel the ghost of the wonderful atmosphere once more. It reminds me of the excitement, the ambition, and the underlying driving force of my youth that I have nearly forgotten. I have realized it is already the past, and I know what I am still searching for, whether subconsciously or intentionally. Maybe I should retain the key of this force in order to defeat the now-dominating-laziness and to regain vitality. Yes, now I am looking forward to the morrow. :)

Late night brings surprises

Thanks to Khanim, I opened the y! messenger. To my surprises, Sigit was online. He don't use MSN now, no wonder I haven't seen him online for more than six months! And Vlad was there too. Consider last time we talked was back in 2001 on TQ teammaker. Haha! It feels so great to find old friends back into contact. Thank you Khanim. :) *Hugs*

P.S. Khanim invites me to Azerbaijan. Sigit wonders when we will eventually meet. Guess I better get a job that can travel the world so I could meet them all? Haha.

Newest list for must visits:
Russia (Ira), Azerbaijan (Khanim), Indonesia (Sigit), Estonia (Jaen), Canada (Kim), Romania (Vlad), Egypt (Moh), China (Ninger), India (Ashutosh)

Oh, I am getting hyper. LOL!

Troubled

The doctor asked whether I sleep well at night. No, actually, the doctor say I must be not sleeping well at night. Yes, indeed. There are so many things trouble my mind that I would rather not talk about. Time is short, and I remain as a wonderer. There is nothing worse than self-discontentment, but that's how I feel about myself. Really.


When in TsingHua, I thought I would feel better at home. Now I am home, but no. I only appear happier, but I sleep worse. There are certain things that never leave me alone, they keep coming back in my dreams. I don't know what these things are, except they all give me a gloomy sensation. Like tiny puppets yelling and jumping against dark background. There is no rest, no peace.


So I like late nights...

Wonderful Memories in DROK

It all begins from my mistakenly thought the "Nick" from my ICQ list was the Russian I met in TQLive. Well, it turned out this "Nick" is not Nick from Rostov-on-Don but Kalya from Moscow, whom I didn't really met in-person in the DROK summer camp back in 2002. Okay, it's my problem that I forgot he was ever on my ICQ list. Really, my mistake. He has been on the list for four years and I didn't really have a chat with him. Okay, he didn't come online often back then, but... Oh well!


Anyway, he told me that DROK was closed in 2003, sadly. Oh, it was such a wonderful camp! With wooden houses in the forest, and lots happy kids with disability that you couldn't even tell they are anything different from "normal" people because happiness makes them look so healthy, and so friendly. Hehe, just thinking of how interesting that I used to have corresponding with the students there who volunteer to help and run the camp. The beautiful Natalia, and cute Pasha, who couldn't write English but German. Haha.


Oh, it was such a wonderful memory. I know I can write much more about it, but I had to leave from grandparent's now. Will finish this later. :)